Hellooooooo! I turned 30. I thought it wasn’t going to be a huge deal, but then it kind of was.
Over the last few months, I’ve been feeling restless, so I’ve been doing a lot of journaling about what I want. I went to a therapist for a few months to try to figure out feelings, and then I saw a friend of mine who is a life coach. I even went to see an astrologist. While I found some value in all of these, nothing really gave me a major “Aha!” moment.
Then a few weeks ago, someone came to me unexpectedly asking if I was interested in a new marketing position. I initially said, “No, I’m very happy at my current job”. But when they asked again and mentioned a big stock option, I thought “Maybe this is what I’ve been looking for“.
When they made me an offer, I almost felt like I couldn’t refuse.
But ultimately, I decided to stay with my current job. I feel awesome about it.
This little crisis gave me an “Aha!” moment and it feels appropriate to write about it on Thanksgiving. You see, I realized that part of the discomfort I’ve been feeling is a restlessness caused by comparing myself to others and to where I was to be. While it’s good to have goals and dreams, I have not been trusting the process or timing of the universe. And more importantly, I’ve been completely ungrateful for what is already accomplished. I’ve been looking so far ahead, that I lost sight of everything that is amazing right now.
So, as I reflect back on my life going into this next decade so close to Thanksgiving, I thought I would write a bit about some major milestones for which I am grateful, in order of which I think they happened:
After my dad unexpectedly passed in 2010, I made the seemingly abrupt decision to leave my church of over 10 years. I say “seemingly” because looking back on it, I see signs of discomfort that had been building. My dad’s death was the catalyst that allowed me to give myself permission to leave. I was in so much pain that I cared far less about what others thought, and I didn’t have enough energy to go against my gut. This was the first time I listened to my inner voice/intuition without consulting others.
Since I left, I have grown in ways I would never have anticipated. I am incredibly grateful for how my life has changed, and I have more friendships and open-mindedness than I have ever had. I have learned SO much.
Finding Out About Love
It didn’t take long for me to feel in love with Chris. We were friends for a long time, and I felt a lot of affection for him by the time we went on our first date. What I didn’t realize was how much I had to learn about love in general. In the past 3 years, I learned to take much for responsibility for my actions and my feelings. I learned compromise and I learned true intimacy, which I am not sure I ever experienced before. I saw myself in many new lights, and was able to do a lot of good, hard work because of it. And I think the same thing happened to Chris too, which is what is so lovely about it all.
Discovering My Talent
At my current job, I stumbled into a career that I love. For the first time, I feel focused. I enjoy learning more about what I do and I am really great at it, which makes me feel super proud. It feels like relief to feel passion and excitement for something I know I can stick to.
Learning My Body
Let’s be real: if you have read any of my blog ever, then you know I go through various fitness and eating obsessions. The gift is that I finally relaxed and learned how to listen to my body. I feel wonderful and I eat in a very enjoyable and non-limiting way. I had to bottom out in my obsession and negativity, and once I did, I just felt better by giving myself a break.
Buying a House
Buying a house for me was about way more than just buying a house. It showed me that more is possible than I ever thought, and I can dream BIG. This year, I really want to focus more on being grateful for what I have and being present. I want to trust that more is coming, and enjoy the process.
Things are really good, and I like to forget that because there is something about feeling sorry for myself that is very cozy! Know what I mean? But now, (starting today?) I want to incorporate ways to feel and show my gratitude for the wonderful things that continue to happen. I’ll write about that more when I see what it looks like.
Listening to My Intuition
This is something that I am just starting to get better at: listening to my intuition. I can recall about 5 times in my life where I had a strong 6th sense about something and I just WENT FOR IT, without thinking too much about it. I am learning to tune into this intuition more, and learning what it feels like to feel ready and sure about decisions. Bottom line: if I don’t feel 100% about doing something? I stay where I am at. If I am obsessing over something? Then there is resistance in it and it’s not time to decide.
If I ever get a handle on this decision making and intuition thing, I’ll probably write more about it.
So, what are you thankful for? I know you’re thankful for your dog, cat, partner, turkey, etc. But what about your inside changes and accomplishments? In the last year? In the last decade? I’d love to know.
Thanks for reading!