How to,  Relationships

Why Girls Hate Girls

“Most of my friends are guys. Girls are just so dramatic, emotional and bitchy. I don’t really connect with them and I have more in common with men”.

Really?

How many of you have heard a woman say this? How many of you have SAID this? I know I have. But are those statements really true? I have come full circle and I realize that no, they are not true for me.

So why did I think that way? I have some theories.

First of all, I should mention that I get annoyed by people who mirror something about myself that I don’t like or that I am working on. Usually, I don’t realize how true that is until after the fact. It happens all the time with the people who are the closest to me. Sometimes I see it eventually, but I am just now learning how much I don’t know about myself. I probably judge people unfairly much more often than I think.

I think women do this to each other. I think all people do this, but for some reason I have met many women who specifically do it with all women as a gender. I think that women hate other women because they see a mirror image of themselves they don’t like.

Just because a woman doesn’t act friendly right away doesn’t mean she is a bitch. Most people are a little insecure. Many people are not particularly outgoing. It’s nothing personal. It’s ok if someone’s response isn’t what you hoped. One thing I’ve learned is that I can be friends with and like anyone, but it takes time. There are are several ladies I am friends with today that I wrote off as bitches because they didn’t want to tell me their life story or hear mine when I met them. I’m glad I didn’t write them off, because they are dear to me today.

Dear ladies, have you ever stopped to think about why you hate other women? You said they were bitchy and catty. Can you list specific examples? What proof supports your evidence? And if you have proof…how much proof do you actually have? One example? Or maybe 10?

Exercise

Lets try this. Think about the following and journal if it helps:

How many times has another woman been kind to you? How many times has your interaction with another woman been neutral? What is the ratio of bitchy:kind:neutral? Be honest.

Try this too. Think about how you respond to women when you first meet them. Are you friendly? Are you cordial but distant? What are you thinking when you meet a new woman, or man for that matter? Many times when I meet people, I am just trying to take everything in. Sometimes I remember to be friendly, and sometimes I’m awkward instead. How do you deal with women at work or in your family? Look for the mirrors and be open. If you are open, you might gain some insight into what it is you want to change about yourself.

After these exercises, I hope you can stop saying that all women are bitches. And if you can’t, that’s ok. My hope for you is that you will keep thinking about it.

One more thing. Women and women can have the most precious and special friendships. A friendship with a man and woman is often not as intimate and special as a friendship between women. Men have a certain beautiful depth and perspective, but it is different than women. I’m obviously ignoring sexual orientation, so that last statement (as well as all of my opinions) is open to interpretation and what you find to be true for you.

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6 Comments

  • Mom

    You write so eloquently…and from the heart! <3

  • Melissa

    I totally agree. My insecurities affect my relationships with people, but usually they turn into judgement before I see the truth in myself. I used to dislike women, too. Then I realized I was more afraid then anything. Men are quicker to accept a woman’s “friendship”… for reasons…

  • meghanlcoulter

    Good post! Being bullied in high school by woman has a serious effect on me and my views of other women still today. I try to figure out all the words people aren’t saying to me and default totally negative and sad. As we grow wiser, I appreciate the fact that I can say what I mean, you can take it how you will, and it just is. The opposite is also true, you can say exactly what you mean, and I will find comfort that we have mutually decided that we don’t need to hide behind total pleasantries (the weather is still hot), and that i speak my word. If I don’t want to hang, I will tell you. If I want to, I will, etc, etc… But this is a hard thing to always be aware of. 🙂

    I read an article about something similar. How moving as a child effects the ability of people to make long term friends because they pick up on the cues that indicate they aren’t socially welcome.

    Also, your curls in you most recent FB, are seriously amazeballs

  • Alison

    I still tell people you were my curly hair mentor! I hated them until I met you. Haha. (No, seriously. You changed my curl-life)