• Spiritual

    What it Feels Like to Feel Sorry

    What do you feel like when you feel sorry? I remember one particular job where I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning. I apologized repeatedly every time I did something wrong. My boss became increasingly annoyed with me. One day she finally yelled, “Stop apologizing and just do better!” A few years later, I attended a weekend women’s camp/retreat. They emphasized not saying “I’m sorry”. During the intense work we all did that weekend, the phrase was pretty much banned from our vocabulary. We were encouraged to replace those words with something more meaningful. Like a commitment to do something different. And action. The problem with saying I’m…

  • How to,  Law of Attraction,  Relationships,  Spiritual

    How To Make a Vision Board

    First of all: what is a vision board? It’s a visual representation of my goals. For whatever reason, I can’t always articulate what I want, but I can visualize it. Before I met my boyfriend Chris, I spent time meditating and journaling about the qualities I wanted in a partner. I wrote a lot of stuff down, but what I couldn’t write was the feeling I wanted to have. I had an image in my mind of tenderness and understanding that’s hard to describe. In the months before I met Chris, I had three short relationships. Usually I cling to failing relationships, except in this instance I finally knew what…

  • Self Love,  Spiritual

    Affirmations and Positive Thinking

    I recently met someone who immediately insulted himself in our very first conversation. Even though this is only my second week working with this person, I have already heard him complain about his weight, his face and his skills set. He wrote a great letter for me to include within my marketing plan, but before he sent it he warned me that it was terrible and he couldn’t come up with anything better (it was fabulous, by the way). Meeting someone who seems a little insecure can be somewhat endearing  but I found myself getting annoyed! When I am annoyed with someone, I know there is always a mirror of me in the situation- a mirror…

  • Gratitude,  Spiritual

    My Hand

    “The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well.” –H. T. Leslie When I think about that quote, I don’t think I have a “bad hand” necessarily, but I was dealt a set of cards in life that presents challenges. With the help of someone I trusted who saw my life clearly from the outside, I came to the realization three years ago that if I didn’t make some serious changes, a lot of the negative behaviors and characteristics in my life were going to continue to go downhill. In the months preceding this realization, things had begun to decline…

  • Spiritual

    Surprised by Progress, you?

    Have you ever had the feeling that you were simply an observer of your own life? Lately, I have had this feeling that I am watching myself and my life. I think, “wow” and “how interesting”, and then I kind of just wonder what will happen next. I mean this in a positive way. I have done so much work, and I think the effects of that are catching up with me. Here are some examples. In the past when I lost weight, I sought attention and affirmation from men. Always. It felt pointless to lose weight and not receive that validation. This time was completely different. Now, I have…

  • Grief,  Spiritual

    No Going Back

    A year ago my life was much different than it is today. My dad’s death was a catalyst for a lot of change. Honestly? I might have used it as an excuse/reason to make drastic changes I’d wanted to make for some time. Some of those things turned out great, and some of them led to some pain. I have said this before, but I really view all of the highs and lows as a beautiful part of my healing and growth. Some of the beliefs I had at the time are the same, but I am coming to the realization that many of them are not. And I don’t…

  • Health,  Spiritual

    Eating and Letting Go

    So, in my last post I mentioned some changes I made that set a tonefor the beginning of 2012. One of those changes involves my nutrition. I lost 30lbs in 2004 and gained a great deal of awareness around nutrition by loosely following Weight Watchers (I never joined, but my mom had some old materials and I read a lot online). I learned that if I ate healthier, I could usually eat more. On the old Weight Watchers plan, I had 20 points a day and 30 flex points a week. I could easily eat a sandwich, salad and piece of fruit for the same amount of points. (Many times…I…

  • Spiritual

    I No Longer Think I Am Right

    Many of you saw my post on Facebook regarding this topic, but I am still processing. I have a problem with the way some churches treat sin, and it is definitely a personal problem. After my dad died, someone in a church told me that if I relapsed, they didn’t want me to participate in the same capacity in which I had been serving. My biggest offense taken was that I hadn’t relapsed and I was super confused as to why the topic even came up in the first place. I was already being treated as if I had done something wrong. That’s besides the point, though. My point is…

  • Spiritual

    I can do anything

    I am so grateful for what I’ve been through. Let me share something with you: The organization for whom I work is going through many changes. I recently got promoted to a new position, and have been super excited about changing responsibilities. In the last couple weeks, I’ve had to do things that were “not my job,” and last week, I actually started to feel frustrated. During my meditation on Thursday however, I had a realization: the only reason why I am qualified for my new position is because for the last three years, I have been willing to do things that were “not my job”. In fact, most of…

  • Grief,  Spiritual

    Holding Hands: The Gift of Receiving Comfort

    When I had chemical toxins in my brain, my emotions were super wonky. The process of healing and feeling real emotions about real things has been a beautiful and precious journey. A male mentor taught me a lot. When I began this process, I learned that I had very few close female friends, and that many of my male friendships were not healthy. It was uncomfortable for me to comfort or touch people (anything more than a hug) because I sexualized the interaction. Even though I needed nurturing, I was unable to accept it as often as I needed it. This former male mentor and I never hugged or even…