Thankfully, I never experienced physical abuse in any relationship; but I did experience emotional abuse and in this post, want to share some signs of emotional abuse.
Many years ago before I met my now husband, I entered a relationship that looked great “on paper”.
At the time, I was a Christian wanting to date a fellow Christian leader (I’m much more moderate now!). I met this guy in 12-step recovery during the 4 years I avoided alcohol. He was handsome, polite and incredibly charming.
I remember one night leaving a 12-step meeting, he was leaving in his car.
He drove by, rolled down his window, and told me I looked pretty. He said he felt happy to see me! I experienced massive butterflies in my stomach.
Everyone liked this guy, but when we started dating I experienced more friction that I ever felt before.
We fought constantly (and I’m not an argumentative person).
He was very particular about what I did, but became very defensive when I asked him questions about himself.
Luckily, I attended therapy regularly for a few years, including during this time. After sharing the details of a few of our arguments, I felt startled when my therapist pointed out the signs of emotional abuse and manipulation.
Needless to say, I eventually pulled myself out of the relationship.
He began dating someone else immediately, and also cheated on her shortly after. They eventually became married, and I hope the best for them! I felt concern for her, but obviously it wasn’t my place to approach her.
But, I feel it important to share my experience and a few signs of emotional abuse.
Here are 10 little signs of emotional abuse with examples of how these may be reflected in everyday life.
10 Signs Of Emotional Abuse In A Relationship
#1: He turned my statements around.
Regardless of how clearly I felt I communicated, he always misinterpreted my statements. He constantly intentionally made me the bad guy. Some examples of what this looked like…
- When I expressed my feelings, they dismissed me and also defended themselves.
- Rather than feeling heard and seen, I found myself comforting the other person.
- He sometimes verbally agreed with something I said, but then passively aggressively acted as if I owed them something.
- He used evasiveness for avoiding difficult topics.
#2: Conversation felt like a battle.
Even during neutral topics of conversation, it always ended up feeling competitive. I constantly fought for myself, feeling the need for proving myself. Sometimes this resulted in the following…
- He met me with intellectual harassment, throwing too many arguments at me at once for reasonably addressing each one.
- Additionally, he made conversations about “winning” instead of communicating.
- He always let me speak first while he insisted on “listening.” This became a tactic to g