How to find closure and making peace with my ex’s was a lot like hugging a fire hydrant.
I had to be willing to tenderly embrace something that had been pissed on way too many times.
The road on how to find closure is never easy, nor is it something that happens immediately. But the process itself is simple.
So… how did I get closure?
When I thought about my past, I was flooded with memories of people, specifically my ex’s.
I don’t know about you, but I spent a lot of my time resenting my ex’s:
A LOT.
Most of my adult life has been devoted to this cause.
Looking for closure in a relationship?
Keep reading.
How To Find Closure: Recognizing The Pattern!
It didn’t matter the reason why our relationship ended, or even if I were the one at fault.
If they were an ex of mine, I automatically disliked them.
I think part of me thought I had to dislike them. It was, after all, what I saw in real life, as well as in the movies.
My resentment was a coping mechanism.
For the most part, my resentment protected me, whether it was from getting hurt or reactivating romantic emotions for them.
My resentment served as a wall, and sometimes kept me from wandering back into a relationship with the guy. Not always.
I had a pattern of setting up revolving doors in relationships.
Every major relationship I had was an on-again-off-again relationship.
I would get out of a relationship with one guy, move onto the next one, then go back to the guy I had broken up with.
I did this pattern for the majority of my romantic life.
I even rolled this pattern of behavior over onto the relationship I have with my now husband.
I had a fantasy/expectation that I had to ‘get perfect’ before I met Mr. Right, in order to not screw things up.
What I didn’t realize is that perhaps I needed to meet Mr. Right in order to motivate me to become the woman I had been so afraid to become…
Mrs. Right.
One reason I re-entered relationships I previously left involved fear of being alone.
I wouldn’t completely break off contact with the guy, which left the door cracked open.
Part of me believed that if we had been through ‘stuff’ together (the crazier, the better) then they really loved me and knew me.