Stop saying sorry. In this post, our guest author Nicole is going to share exactly how she learned to STOP saying sorry, and why you should too.
“I’m sorry…”, “Please forgive me…” and Other Silly Things That Made My Life Difficult. Does that statement ruffle some feathers?
I was raised predominantly by my grandmother. My mom was a teenage mother and my grandparents thought she didn’t need the burden of raising a little girl. So they sent my mom off to New York to fashion school while a 3 year old little girl (me) stayed behind missing her mom to bits and creating limiting beliefs that she is not good enough, because otherwise her mom would have taken her along for the trip. But that’s another story for another time.
I always felt that I placed more importance on being polite and respectful compared to other kids. No one EVER told me to stop saying sorry.
I was always very considerate. I always felt I should put people’s needs ahead of mine and was very conscious about how I was presenting myself to the world. Most of this programming came from my grandmother that I love very much and who luckily I still get to have around.
She is one of the few women that I know that never even bothered to get her driving license. She was a homemaker and raised her four children the best way she knew how. My mother probably is her biggest disappointment in life, because she got knocked up by age 17, but I digress.
Stop saying sorry…
I listed a few things below my grandmother told me to always say, no matter the situation. That made me look more like a lady and like I come from a good family. Image is everything you know ;).
I never thought much of these things but once I started to dig and explore why I had so much trouble being assertive and standing out in the crowd, I realized this has much to do with the things she taught me to say…
Stop saying sorry. If you are anything like me then it is ridiculous the amount of time we spend apologizing to people. We will apologize for asking a question, for asking people to help us out or even to call us even when it is their job to do so.
I never realized how much I apologized to people until a few years ago I met this person and during one of our conversations I was already on my eighth “I’m Sorry”.
She asked me why I was constantly apologizing when I didn’t do anything wrong. For me, apologizing means being polite and considerate. But unfortunately being polite and considerate had a downside.
By saying this so often I subconsciously started to believe that I was always doing something wrong. I even felt this in my body whenever I uttered those words.
Things started to shift after that eye opening conversation with this lady. I started to keep track about the amount of “I’m Sorry”‘s I said each day.
And I promised myself I would only say these words when they truly mattered, like when I wanted to show sympathy when someone else was grieving and when I actually did something wrong or caused harm, which luckily rarely happens.
If you’re looking for additional tools on building confidence and self esteem, I definitely recommend taking a look at the Self Care Spree.
“Don’t worry, it’s OK.”
Oh BOY! This was a big one for me to change. No matter how much inconvenience someone caused me I was taught to tell the person not to worry and that it is OK.
Writing this pisses me off.
Can you imagine taking off work the whole day to wait on the AC repair man and spend a whole SEVEN hours waiting on this guy, only to utter “Don’t worry it’s OK” when he gives this lame excuse about how they messed up the addresses at the office?
That’s not good!
How can I tell someone that made me waste a whole work day waiting for them NOT to worry and that it is OK? This still boggles my mind.
Luckily I found out how frustrated this habit was making me.
I realized that I had to take responsibility for my life and others needed to do so for theirs. YES, it is a problem if you are inconveniencing others. I have learned to not hold in the frustration. It is quite liberating to be fully honest in those kinds of situations.
One of my new goals in life is to live a life of authenticity and tell people what I really think. I’m not trying to be rude (there’s the politeness kicking in again) but I know it serves my highest self to be open and honest with people instead of holding everything in.
“Oh no, please go ahead…”
Whether I was standing in line or it was in a middle of a conversation, letting someone go ahead was part of my daily shtick.
I would never interrupt someone half sentence or heaven forbid I cut in line somewhere. I would be doomed to the hell of all hells.
Why was this such a problem? And what did it actually mean on a deep cellular level?
It became a problem when during conversations I was not able to bring my full message across because time was up and I was too embarrassed to take up people’s time by asking them to stay in the meeting longer. It became a problem when I would not make my appointments in time because I would let people who politely asked me to cut in line at the supermarket.
Around my 20s I felt it had was getting out of hand. Why was I so afraid to be more assertive and tell people NO.
I started to pay close attention to those moments and I worked on turning my mindset around.
It was not disrespectful to tell people no and to show them that their time was just as valuable as mine. This change did not happen overnight. It took practice.
It took being conscious of what I was doing, when I was doing it and why I was doing it.
What to say instead…
If you feel stuck in any area of your life, I suggest you ask yourself the three questions mentioned above.
This will give you clarity and you will become much more aware of your thought process. My favorite motto is…
Big shifts start with self-awareness.
I love my grandma to bits. She raised me with the same values and beliefs she learned as a child.
But I came to a point where I felt it was time. It was time to break the pattern.
Today is the day for you to look at which beliefs and habits serve us and which ones do not.
At the end of the day it is you who has the power to decide which beliefs and habits you will keep and which ones you will not.
Author Nicole Woodriffe loves helping women shift, grow and be happy. However, she never really knew what she was meant to do in life until she became a mom for the first time.
Becoming a parent shook her world. She realized how incredibly short and precious life is. She felt a strong urge to find out who she was and she needed to connect on a deep level with her purpose. Nicole has become a leader, motivator, cheerleader and a powerful Mindset coach.
She is the creator of the Secret Society of Rich Hot Mommas, a safe and empowering community on Facebook.
If you feel that you are ready for a big shift and you are determined to take aligned action but want someone who has been in your situation guide you on this life changing journey, then you can send her an email to schedule a conversation. You can reach Nicole at firstname.lastname@example.org
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